


He Doesn’t Think, He Just Reacts

by Mollygail



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, I'm not good with tags., Peter feels guilty, Peter should feel guilty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:31:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mollygail/pseuds/Mollygail
Summary: AU after Neal gets Peter out of jail. Peter is still angry at Neal and doesn’t want to work with him anymore. He hasn’t yet found a new handler for Neal so he loans him to Ruiz for a temporary assignment.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick one-shot.

Peter didn’t know if he would ever be able to forgive himself. He crushed the empty paper coffee cup and threw it at the trash can. If he had answered his phone when Ruiz called he might have been able to get to the hospital before they took Neal into surgery. He continued pacing back and forth across the waiting room.

“Burke, sit down. You’re getting on my nerves with that pacing.” Ruiz had had a bad day and Burke was about to push him over the edge. 

Peter sighed and sat down in a chair as far away from Ruiz as he could find. When he had seen that it was Ruiz calling earlier he had let the call go to voicemail. Tears came to his eyes when he recalled his thoughts as he ignored the call. ‘ _Ruiz must be calling to complain about Caffrey. I’ve dealt with all the Caffrey crap I can take. He’s Ruiz’s problem for a while._ ’ There had been two more calls which he ignored before he heard his phone chime with an incoming text. He remembered the air seemed to be squeezed out of his lungs as he’d read the message. “ _Caffrey’s been shot. Call me_ ”. 

The next few hours were a blur in Peter’s memory. He had a vague recollection of Jones driving him to the hospital. At the hospital, he’d been asked what seemed like endless questions about Neal’s medical history. He hadn’t really been able to process what Ruiz had told him about the shooting. Now the waiting was driving him crazy. 

“Tell me again what happened, Ruiz.” Peter fought to keep a lid on his temper. "You told me you were going to keep him in the office going over old files. How did he end up with a bullet in his chest?” 

“He’s been doing good work for us. He helped us solve a big case and I thought I’d take him to lunch. On our way back to the office I stopped to question a witness. The guy……dammit Burke, he was just a witness. We didn’t suspect him of anything. The next thing I know the guy pulls out a gun and aimed it at me. Didn’t even stop to make any threats, he just started shooting. Next thing I know I’m on the ground with Caffrey on top of me and the shooter took off running.” Ruiz paused with a look of complete confusion on his face. “Why would he do that, Burke? Caffrey doesn’t even like me. He pushed me out of the way and took a bullet for me. He wasn’t even wearing a vest. Why doesn’t he wear a vest, Burke?”

“The bureau doesn’t issue vests to criminal informants. He wouldn’t wear one anyway. It would ruin the fit of his suit.”

“But why didn’t you ever get him some civilian body armor? It’s available on the internet for crying out loud.”

Peter just sat there with a blank stupid expression on his face. It had never occurred to him to make sure Neal had body armor. Ruiz was right. It was available on the internet. It wasn’t as good as the government issued armor he wore but it could be worn under clothes and would have offered some protection. 

“He saved my life, Burke. Why?”

“He’s Neal. Protecting people is an instinct for him. He doesn’t think, he just reacts.” Peter could tell that Ruiz was still confused but he didn’t want to talk any more about Neal’s protective instincts. If only he could shut off his thoughts as easily as he shut his mouth. He thought about what Neal had done to get him out of prison. Stealing the gold and forging the confession. He’d asked himself why Neal had done those things and as he talked to Ruiz it became clear. Neal protected people. He’d done those things to protect Peter. And Peter had responded by letting Neal know that in Peter’s eyes he would never be anything but a criminal.

Peter didn’t know if he could ever forgive himself. But if Neal survived this he would do everything he could to set things right. He prayed he’d have a chance to ask for Neal’s forgiveness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was intended to be a one-shot but I had a few requests for a sequel, so here it is. When I started to write this chapter I tried to deal with the Hagan problem but I couldn't get the right feel for the story. My solution is to say here in the notes that the Hagan problem was resolved by Mozzie. As you all know Mozzie has connections and resources that we will never know about and therefore we will never know how he got rid of Hagan. We just know, for this story, that he did.

Kyle Bancroft watched as Peter read the legal papers he’d given him. Peter Burke had a very expressive face and the emotions seemed to change as he continued to read. First had been confusion, quickly followed by annoyance, anger, and finally sadness. Peter had been standing behind his desk when he started to read but as he finished he slumped into his chair and placed the papers on his desk. 

Bancroft sat down in the chair in front of the desk. “So, judging by your reactions, you didn’t know anything about this.”

Peter shook his head slightly. “No sir, Agent Ruiz did this without consulting me.”

“Ok, but as Caffrey’s official handler your recommendation will make or break his case. What are your thoughts? Should Caffrey have his sentence commuted?”

Peter felt like he had just experienced a month’s worth of emotions in the span of two minutes. Shock, resentment, anger, fear, jealousy, and shame had flashed through his heart, one after the other. Now the emotion that lingered was the shame. When he’d read the request for commutation, which Ruiz had submitted on Neal’s behalf, his thoughts were more focused on himself. How did it look that it was Ruiz standing behind Neal instead of himself? That was the cause of the anger, resentment, and jealousy. There was also fear; fear that if Neal’s sentence was commuted he would never have a chance to make things right with his friend. The shame lingered because he knew he should have felt nothing but happiness that Neal had earned recognition for years of hard work and loyalty.

“Yes. Absolutely. Neal’s sentence should be commuted. He’s earned it. I’ll have a letter of recommendation ready in ten minutes and attach it to this request. How soon do you think they will make a decision?”

“Very soon, I hope. I’m glad you approve of the request. I’ve always liked Caffrey but I wanted your opinion before I attached my own recommendation. Did you know Ruiz hired the lawyer himself? This guy is one of the best lawyers in the city. The request isn’t being sent up the chain of command to the director, because the director knows how valuable Caffrey is. I’ve heard that he’s already working on ways to extend Neal’s sentence. This request is going to the governor. Ruiz has been extremely thorough. He has letters from Stuart Gless, Sophie Covington, Daniel Picah, even the reclusive Dr. Drugov from the Hudson Group. Remember, Caffrey helped save his life at that FBI convention. I’d say there’s an excellent chance of this request being granted. How is Caffrey doing with his recovery from the shooting?”

“Well, it was touch and go for a while but he was released from the hospital yesterday. I’m going to go see him during my lunch hour. Do you want to come with? I’m sure Neal would appreciate a visit from you.” Again, Peter felt a twinge of shame. He had asked Bancroft to join him as a buffer. Trying to talk to Neal these days tied his stomach in knots. Every time he visited Neal in the hospital Neal had been distant and detached. 

“I’d like to but I’ve got an appointment to keep. Give him my regards and tell him I’ll be there for the party when that anklet comes off.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ll let him know you’re on his side.”

An hour later Peter was ringing the doorbell of June’s house. The door was opened and Peter climbed the stairs with trepidation. He took a deep breath and knocked on Neal’s door. 

“Come in, it’s open.” When Peter entered he found Neal sitting with his feet up in the recliner June had bought him for his recovery. “Hey, Peter. Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“One of the perks of the new job is taking long lunches if I want.” He pulled a take-out container from the bag he’d been carrying. “I brought you some soup from the deli. Are you hungry.”

“Thanks, but I just don’t have much of an appetite yet. If you wouldn’t mind putting it in the fridge I’ll probably eat it later.”

Peter put the food away and returned to sit on the couch. “So, I see you’re watching TV. I didn’t think you liked TV much. What are you watching?” He hated how stiff and awkward he sounded. 

“I don’t seem to have enough energy to do anything else. I’ve just been binge-watching Chuck. It’s a pretty good show. Too bad they killed off the Bryce character though.”

“Neal”, Peter hesitated. “Could we talk?”

Neal sighed. He’d been dreading this. He didn’t know what Peter wanted to talk about but from the way he hesitated it couldn’t be good. He turned off the TV. “Sure, Peter. What do you want to talk about?”

“I owe you an apology, Neal. Probably several apologies. We’ve always had a unique relationship, haven’t we? You running, me chasing. We’ve been adversaries, but we’ve been friends too. Good friends. When you…..when you did what you did to get me out of jail I reacted badly.” 

Neal’s eyebrows rose in surprise at the direction of this conversation. He’d thought this would probably be a lecture about doing stupid things. 

“What I should have done”, Peter continued, unaware of Neal’s thoughts, “was thank you. What you did could have landed you back in prison for the rest of your life. I still believe that justice would have prevailed and I would have been found innocent. I don’t condone theft or bribery. But, I would probably have been indicted and that would have been the end of my career.” He stopped talking for a moment, searching for words to express his thoughts. “I know I’ve screwed up badly. I blamed you for things that weren’t your fault. I’m deeply ashamed of myself for the way I reacted. Transferring you to work with Ruiz was petty. When you got shot”…..He choked up and looked away from Neal for a moment while he tried to regain control of his emotions. “Ruiz asked me why you would push him out of the way like that and I told him it’s because you don’t think, you just react. Your protective instincts are stronger than you self-preservation instincts. Ya know…You would have been a helluva cop, Neal……I’m proud of the work you did with Ruiz in spite of the difficult position I put you in by working with him. I just hope you can forgive me.”

“Sure, Peter. Don’t worry about it.” 

Peter didn’t like the unemotional way Neal had accepted his apology or the distant look in Neal’s eyes but he wasn’t going to give up. “I do worry about it, Neal. I talked to Bancroft today and he told me about Ruiz filing a request for commutation. I hope you get it, Neal. I really do. But, I have to confess that it scares me too. Because I’m afraid that when you get your freedom you’re going to leave and I’ll never see you again. I’m afraid you’ll be happy to leave and never see me again. You’re like a little brother to me, Neal.” He started to get choked up again.

“Do you know what I wish, Peter?”

“What, Neal?”

“I wish I wasn’t too zoned out on pain medication to fully appreciate this apology. Is there any chance you could put it in writing so I can read it later?”

Peter blinked owlishly at Neal for a brief moment and then laughed. “I’ll put some of it in a letter, but there are parts that we shouldn’t leave lying around for evidence. Allegedly. Right?”

“Allegedly.”

“So, are we good?”

“We’re good. I missed you.” 

Peter was relieved to hear the warmth of Neal’s tone. “Yeah, I missed you too. I’m sorry I had to be in DC so much while you were in the hospital. Ruiz kept me updated though.” He couldn’t keep the annoyance he felt from creeping into his voice. 

Neal heard the annoyance in Peter’s voice and couldn’t resist teasing him. “That’s okay. Ruiz explained why you weren’t visiting. And Ruiz took good care of me. When I regained consciousness he was there to spoon ice chips into my mouth and fetch me warm blankets when I got cold. He never told me to cowboy up, either.”

“Hmm, did he ever tell you to cut the crap, Caffrey? Cuz I find it hard to believe Ruiz would sit by anybody’s bed spooning ice chips into their mouth.”

“But, Peter, I’m not just anybody. I’m the hero who saved his life. Seriously though, he did feed me ice chips.” Neal smiled his sly little conman smile. “I needed a lot of ice chips, and blankets, and cold washcloths for my fevered brow.” Neal’s smile faded a bit. “I actually felt bad about playing on his sympathy when I found out about the request for commutation. I can’t believe he did that.”

“I was pretty surprised myself. But you deserve it, Neal. I should have thought of it myself. I guess I was too busy feeling guilty about my behavior. Anyway, what are your plans for life-after-anklet? Travel? Paris?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take a vacation. But I’ll need to find a job before too long.”

“A job in New York?” 

“Of course. New York is where my family is. I need to be close enough to annoy my big brother, right?”

And the smile that lit up Peter’s face melted the last of the coldness that had filled Neal’s heart when Peter had given him away to Ruiz.


End file.
